I have been doing some online shopping and decided to track the shipping of my »Summer body« order.

Status: “We regret to inform you that your beach body, slated for arrival in early June of this year, will be delayed, perhaps indefinitely. This is due to a number of factors, all under your direct control.”

After I deeply emerged into my thoughts (and a bucket of sangria) I came to some interesting conclusions.

Firstly, I was still eating a lot of food. While I have done an excellent job of including more vegetables into my diet, I have also included more of everything else, like cake. In the past month alone, I have eaten cake on eight occasions. None of which were birthday-related.

Making my hip-hop workout playlist right after the New Year seemed like a big step in the right direction. Of course, music can help only so much if you don’t own sneakers, which, technically, I didn’t until March.

As you know, motivation can be elusive. There are unseen forces that oppose motivation and seek to douse the flames of inspiration. In my case, that force is napping. I really do nap a lot.

I thought, this far into any successful beach-body program, I should not still be wearing my fat jeans. By now, I should have already held those jeans up in front of me and laugh.  But I can’t hold them up and laugh at them, because they are on my body. Snugly.

“In the past month alone, I have eaten cake on eight occasions. None of which were birthday-related.”

Because the pool attendance in this hell-like heat is mandatory, I went swimsuit shopping. I do not recommend standing in front of a three-way mirror at this point, unless you want all three of you to feel terrible about yourselves.

In conclusion, with some significant life-style tweaks I could, according to my estimates, achieve my beach body by December. Just in time for Christmas. When I can unwrap the perfect gift- my new next soon to be fat jeans.


Until next time, when I’ll be posting cake recipes. YOLO!